Lemon cleanse

I decided to follow a friend's advice to lose weight and detoxify my body with the lemon cleanse. This consists of squeezing out lemon juice into some water along with some maple syrup and cayenne pepper and drinking only that during the day. Today is day two and already when I look at my roommates they seem to turn into giant hot dogs like in the Bugs Bunny desert island cartoons. That also makes me sound gay though. My day consisted of distraction really. Trying not to think of food and spending a lot of time on facebook or watching movies. I went to go see the Other Guys which was okay, I laughed maybe twice. Then I watched the Human Centipede at home which was about a deranged surgeon attaching three people ass to mouth creating the human centipede. This movie cured me of my hunger by making me nauseous and movies hardly do that to me. Anyway, i am trying to think positive and I look forward to my next shit. There you go, for those of you waiting for me to be crass.

I dream in bullshit

I have a pounding headache so tonight's dream will probably suck. Lately I have been dreaming that I have to take a leak and no matter where I go to relieve myself I just won't be able to feel...drained. It's a frustrating recurring dream I have where I end up in a high school locker room area which in itself was a nightmare for me. Imagine comparing your teen cock to other ones, wondering if the humiliation of that day will just endure for the rest of my life. Apparently it does. The dream goes on where I open each stall, the ones with doors anyway and see each one more disgusting than the last, often with no toilet paper. Why the paper is necessary for me to pee I don't know but I am in search of the perfect place to piss. Being that this is a dream and one that will often repeat parts of itself I still find myself wondering(in the dream) why i just don't leave and go home. Some people would like to tell me that the dream means I am working something out in my head, or stuck on some sort of conundrum or that Im reliving memories. I really think it's just that i need to stop drinking so much beer before bed.

Why i hate public restrooms

Whenever i go out I am forced to use a restroom that the general public will also use so i sometimes think about how dirty and disgusting my bathroom was and then i say to myself, do i really want to go in there? Sometimes i will risk arrest and just pee in the parking lot which is so often much more satisfying anyway for some reason. One of the things i hate the most is when I am at the urinal which hopefully isn't already overflowing with a days worth of salty smelling putrid yellow piss, is when someone will pee right next to me even if there are five empty spaces available. i always feel like the guy is trying to sneak a glance at my dick, which i will admit MAY have done but when someone looks at mine hopefully it is a girl, and she won't laugh or point at it with my her mouth agape. So if i feel like this is happening to me in the restroom, i start to talk to my cock as if  it is a real person with feelings. I will say something like "hey how is it going down there? Yeah rough day huh?" At first the guy next to me will say huh..excuse me are you talking to me?" To which i will reply, öi i am talking to my dick, do you mind?" Sometimes they will stop midstream and actually move over one or two spots away.

The blog is something I always never wanted to do

Ok..here we go. I am sure I will get better at this as i go along. Ummm.. where do I start? talk about the things I love or the things i hate? How about where i came from? You don't really give a shit about that, do you? Hmm..I need to grab a beer. Alcohol loosens my inhibitions so I am sure i will be writing some really shitty things soon. Bye for now.